It’s over two decades since Absolutely Fabulous hit our screens and our favourite bolly-swigging, chain-smoking pair are back in Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie, ready to face the modern world. Patsy and Eddie (who haven’t aged a day, darling) are so over the nineties; they have been there, done that and worn the Stella McCartney T-shirt. But the world is a very different place; how will they survive the modern landscape of hashtags and online stalkers while trying to save their floundering business? The only way they know how, of course; the fabulous way. Here’s how we imagine the ladies and the rest of the Ab Fab crew will tackle 2016 (with a free glass of Bolly to take the edge off, naturally)…
Back in the day, Patsy and Eddie had “careers” in a very loose sense – Eddie doesn’t go near the office until at least midday after a three-hour lunch break and Patsy’s attendance at her magazine’s office is so sporadic she frequently forgets her way there. But in 2016, they slowly realise that the working landscape is about to get tougher; PR agencies and fashion magazines aren’t the influential, fortune-earning careers they once were. They need fresh blood; a celebrity (preferably attached to a label) to bring them fame, fortune and plenty of free stash. But before this, Eddie must master social media as these days, Twitter followers mean more than actual money. But so far, she hasn’t quite got to grips with it. “I’m being trollied on Twitter!” she moans in the trailer for the film. Oh dear. However, we imagine things will be looking up for Bubble, whose quirky outfits, and unique sense of style should garner her thousands of Instagram followers. But will she be able to use it? The jury’s still out on that one.
It was Patsy and Eddie who taught us that labels are everything and basically that you’re no one in fashion unless you’re wearing something with ‘Lacroix’ across it. Fast forward a couple of decades and replace ‘Lacroix’ with TK Maxx or, Eddie’s favourite, Stella McCarthy. And even while on the run from the law (killing Kate Moss – “Kate Moss, Darling!” – hadn’t been a part of the original plan) in France (where “everyone’s a criminal!”), the ever-stylish pair will no doubt still find time to shop – or steal – along the French Riviera. Online shopping is another beast entirely.
Patsy and Eddie gave new meaning to the words, “Signature Style” long before it became cool. For Patsy this meant sexy skirt suits, a Beehive, a classic red lip and a cigarette as an accessory; for Eddie it meant Lacroix in all shapes and colours with her obligatory glass of champers and even Saffy had the modern hipster vibe down to a tee – she never ventured far without a chunky knit and matching scrunchie. But today, there’s extra pressure to look good thanks to wellness and selfies. They have the diet thing down, though – they’ve tried every fad known to humanity and Patsy exists on liquid lunches alone (just don’t let any solids pass your lips, ever) – but will they master the elusive perfect selfie? Will they become gym fanatics? We’ll give them the benefit of the doubt because if “being thin were that easy, everyone would do it.”
Through thick and thin – from the death of a parent to getting stuck in a cottage in rural France while your ex-husband cuts off your alimony – Eddie and Patsy are BFFs for life. And running from the law won’t change that one iota. When Eddie complains of looking fat, Pasty offers words of comfort: “You, don’t need that mirror darling, I am your mirror.” “So how do I look?,” Eddie asks. “Fabulous darling.” One thing is certain, if all else fails in 2016, they’ll have each other’s backs no matter what.
Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie is out in cinemas on Friday 1 July. It’s a great bloody movie, sweetie, so don’t miss it.