Fantasizing about other partners, be they mere mortal beings or super famous celebrities, is apparently totally normal when you’re getting busy with your own ball and chain. It really is. It’s grand, and it’s nothing to worry about, it’s natural. OK? Jeez, enough with the guilt trip.
Anyhoo, turns out that over half of both men and women think of another person whilst copulating with their partner, and as far as the women are concerned, they tend – most often – to fantasize about a work colleague. According a recent a survey by sex toy company LoveHoney, it’s a lot more common than you might have thought. While many loved up couples may assume that their other half only has eyes for them, 46 per cent of women and 42 per cent of men have admitted to fantasising about someone else. The study asked various questions of over 1300 people.
It’s a staggeringly high statistic (albeit from a small sample size), considering how massive the wedding industry has become, and how many of us are racing down the aisles, eager to commit ourselves in every way possible to one person forever more. Is it simply a case of wanting to have our cake and eat it, at least mentally? What does it say about us as longterm, monogamous partners? And are we to assume that it’s normal that once the dust has settle on that initial can’t-get-enough-of-each-other phase, it takes fantasising about someone else to keep the excitement going?
It seems fairly common that to entertain thoughts of ‘forbidden fruit’ is particularly effective when it comes to sexual arousal, but can’t we get fired up about someone we’re used to seeing day in, day out?
Psychology has little to offer by way of a definite answer to this very common habit. Psychology Today echoes our thoughts in their article about sexual fantasies:
“We do know that relationships evolve over the long term and what was once a passionate love affair with your partner might very well have moderated into a warm and mutually rewarding form of companionate intimacy. Rather than finding a new partner in reality, you use your fantasy infidelities to add some spice to the mix. It’s even possible that you and your partner find it exciting to swap fantasies, including those about other people. In either of these cases, fantasy infidelities are not a sign that something is profoundly lacking in your relationship.”
What’s your take? And, if we can be so bold, what celebrity do you hold a torch for?