When we were clinking champagne flutes and Jools dearest was croaking out the countdown this time last year, we had no idea that anything like platform jelly shoes, water protests and Garth Brooks were going to be a thing for 2014. In fact, how could anyone have possibly believed that as anything other than a G&T-induced miscalculation? We take a look back at the trends we ended up despising pretty quickly in 2014…
1. Jelly shoes
As if they weren’t awful enough in the nineties, these awful rubber shoes made their presence known throughout the summer. Unsuprisingly, they were as un-wearable as they were when we splashed in and out of streams in them at the tender age of six.
Don’t let the nostalgia fool you girls, they are still as much of an eyesore as they were in the nineties, except now you can’t even blame your mother’s lack of taste and your misguided youth
2. Juice cleanses
Up until relatively recently, juice was one of nature’s great gifts, creating happiness across the world. Inevitably though, the fun sponges of the world came along and inexplicably threw parsley, kale, cucumber and other items that should strictly be kept to dinnertime into our once-lovely smoothies.
To add insult to injury, they then suggested that these awful green concoctions alone should suffice all of our nutrional needs. Nothing in 2014 made us want to fry up a big, juicy steak more
3. Completely ripped jeans
Like most people, we appreciate the power of a subtle rip in the right pair of jeans. However, when Kim Kardashian stepped out with her sister Kourtney in the truly unforgettable jeans above, we just felt the ripped movement had fled a little too far from sanity. Were they shorts? Were the holes always that big or did North get a hold of them with her crazy scissors?
One thing’s for sure, they might suit Kim’s Armenian-Californian bronzed legs, but they certainly would not suit our pale chicken-skin Irish legs. No, that is not a plastic bag on my lap, thank you very much
4. Pulled pork
We’re sorry, but when anything begins to surface in all of its greasy, inedible, processed glory in the meal deal range in Tesco, we think it’s time to move on. RIP the ability to be able to depend on the quality of pulled pork..
5. Water charges
Don’t get us wrong, we are so behind anything that gets people politically active and passionate about something that is wrong with the world. We also wholeheartedly understand why they are rightfully annoyed about the ways in which water charges have been forced upon us.
But every time we see another poorly taken iPhone picture of an Irish Water van surface on our news feeds with ‘the bastards, they’ve arrived’, we can’t help to think that there are more pressing issues to put your time and energy into. How about putting that passion into eradicating LGBT intolerance, gender-based violence or mental health stigmas? Just us then..
6. Extreme mud runs
Between To Hell and Back and Tough Mudder this year, we are sick to death of these extreme obstacle courses that are designed only to be tough and grueling and something to brag about. You’re making the thought of upping our fitness game even less appealing. If we wanted to spend the weekend covered in mud we would check ourselves into a spa… Two words: You’re grand.
7. Garth Brooks
The absolute fuss made about the cancelling of his Croke Park appearances were just about as incomprehensible as the fact that so many people bought tickets in the first place.
When it came out that both Enda Kenny and Barack Obama had been dragged into the mix, we didn’t think it could get any more ridiculous. Then came Garth’s comment about swimming to Ireland. You would of course… Enough.
8. Snapchat fiends
Don’t get us wrong, we are definitely partial to the odd Snapchat (read: our score is in the 20,000 range, oops). However, we just shouldn’t be able to trace your entire night out via your Snapchat story. There’s only so many 90 seconds of our lives we can spend looking at blurry, drunken selfies and shots of all the overpriced cocktails you bought.
As jealous as we are of Kylie Jenner’s incredible lip-lining skill, lip-liner is another one of those trends we wished stayed in the nineties. It is both too time-consuming and difficult to get right, and horrendous when it goes wrong and suddenly you’re all lip liner and no lipstick.
10. Matcha lattes
We want to love them, we really do. But they just taste a little bit too much like feet, are a bit too slime-like and we just can’t handle that first thing in the morning. We’ll take our regular beloved gigantic latte, thank you very much. If it ain’t broke…
Which trend from 2014 did you loathe?
Hannah Popham @HannahPopham