Sharyn Hayden, the founder of humorous parenting website, RaisingIreland.com, delivers an honest account of the road to first-time parenthood. This book comes with a warning though. Don’t expect to read anything about butterflies, the wings of angels gently caressing your baby’s brow as they sleep, a clean house or anything gooey unless it’s stuck to somebody’s new jeans.
What you can look forward to, however, is puke on the floor, tiny kicks to the crotch in the middle of the night, unsolicited advice from random strangers, the need for wine at 8am and lots and lots of laughs.
Below, Sharyn shares an excerpt from I Forgot to Take My Pill with us.
Excerpt: I Forgot to Take My Pill
Aside from the buggy being a bit ridiculous in size and shape, my adjustment from an independent, free-spirited woman to a buggy-pushing mammy came with its very own set of logistical complications. I found the whole thing incredibly annoying to deal with in general.
For example, take the following scenario. No, let’s call it a pop quiz. Ready? Ok, on your stretch marks…
You are walking to the supermarket from home with your baby in his buggy and dog in tow. Your dog is so adamant that she will not be tied up by the trolley bay while you shop, that she deliberately slips right out of her collar and lead, and runs away from you in the direction of a busy road of traffic…
A) Ignore said dog for the drama queen that she is, presume she’ll find her way home when she’s hungry and carry on into the shops.
B) Turn the extraordinarily heavy buggy around and run after said dog, pushing said buggy, with semi-broken vagina, sore back and sore boob bits.
C) Stare after said dog in shock and dismay, and hope that the six or eight people who she is running past might take a minute out of their really busy lives to grab her for you.
D) Slam the breaks on the buggy by the trolley bay, and run after said dog like a mad woman, screaming ‘SIT! SIT!’ (past the six or eight people who are still doing nothing to help, FFS), whilst simultaneously glancing back to buggy repeatedly, shitting oneself that someone might rob it. And then calmly realise that no one would be able to budge the f*cking thing anyway.
Sharyn has been writing for many years, and felt there was a need for an honest and funny account of what life is like for first time mothers; “When I became a mum for the first time, I went through what I think most women go through, which is total bewilderment! I didn’t know how anything ‘worked’ any more – how did I go to the shops, how did I have a shower, how did I meet friends – with this new little person attached to me! When I looked online for like-minded new mothers, I found that people were gushing about how perfect and wonderful the experience was. No one said ‘I’ve just been refused booze at the supermarket counter because I didn’t realise it’s still only 8.30am’. (That happened to me twice). Of course babies are perfect and wonderful, but I think it’s also ok to sympathise with each other and say ‘I get it, it’s hard, I have puke in my hair too’. That’s what ‘I Forgot My Pill’ is about. I love being a mum, and I love laughing about how ridiculous it all is sometimes too.”
I Forgot to Take My Pill will be available to purchase as a paperback or eBook from Amazon from May, 20. For further information log onto www.raisingireland.com