Awareness about violence against women just isn’t enough

Don’t walk with your earphones in. Put your keys in between your fingers. Plan your route. Make sure there are people around you at all times. Don’t wear such a short dress. Cover up. Don’t tempt. Don’t drink too much. Stay alert. Share your location with friends. Learn self-defence. Do you want to go for a run? Well, with the darker evenings, you only have the hours between 9am and 5pm to move around society freely. Once the sun sets you should stay inside. Is there anything else in your handbag you could use as a weapon? 

These thoughts infiltrate the minds of women every single day, all over the world. It’s a devastating realisation that we can never free ourselves from. Just as we think the world can become a little safer, our fantasy is shattered as another attack is reported or a woman in our lives shares yet another tale of torment. 

The argument ‘not all men’ is often bandied about when this topic is broached in the broader public domain. Of course, it’s a true assertion but we must be brutally honest here. Violence against women is a life-or-death situation. There is no space for rationalisation. Men will never understand the reality of being a woman. They will never know the fear, the panic and the dread that follows you from the moment you leave your front door and move about in the world. Constantly, we are on alert, eyes open, anticipating what lies ahead around every corner.

This disparity played out when actress Saoirse Ronan sat alongside actors Paul Mescal, Denzel Washington, and Eddie Redmayne on Graham Norton’s BBC chat show. The conversation has since gone viral. Think pieces about the achingly awkward interaction are a dime a dozen. There was outrage on all social media platforms. 

The moment in question saw Redmayne sharing that he learned to use a phone as a weapon while training for his role as a lone assassin in Sky Atlantic’s The Day of the Jackal. Mescal responded while laughing: “If someone attacks me, I’m not going to be like, (pretends to reach into his pocket) ‘phone.'” To that, Ronan added, “That’s what women have to think about all the time. Am I right, ladies?”

The immediate silence is deafening and you can see the wheels turning in Mescal’s, Redmayne’s and Washington’s heads. They had faltered miserably, quite possibly they immediately became concerned with a PR disaster. I don’t believe these men to be bad or clueless. Their conversation was not meant to be callous or overtly chauvinist. They stumbled because these concerns are not part of their daily experience. While good men will support us in times of trouble, admonish the evil in the world and call for a society that is more equal and safer for females, this conversation was a clear warning call that sideline assistance doesn’t go far enough. 

Are men engaging in meaningful conversations with other men in their lives? Do they speak up and challenge misogynistic comments when they hear them? Are they willing to question outdated attitudes and hold each other accountable? Are they actively reflecting on how they can contribute to a safer, more respectful environment for everyone? 

The Graham Norton incident highlights that many men are still not engaging in these critical conversations. To build a genuinely safer society, change must begin from within. This means dismantling harmful stereotypes and ingrained behaviours that persist in male-dominated spaces. It requires men to actively reject damaging tropes, question outdated norms, and redefine what respectful, inclusive masculinity looks like. Only by challenging these issues at the core can we create a culture that values and protects everyone. Saying you stand with us isn’t enough, you must fight for us too. 

This episode once again put violence against women at the centre of the cultural conversation. However, it was only done so because a group of A-list celebrities sitting on a chat show couch thrust it into consciousness. Sadly, beyond the glitz, glamour, and top-tier spotlight, women were being attacked, yet their stories never reached the same level of visibility. This harrowing actuality played out on this very island, just hours after Ronan called out her peers in the industry when two women were sexually assaulted in Derry, a grim reminder that violence against women is not just a topic for celebrity discourse; it is a pressing crisis that demands attention and action. There is a stark contrast between the high-profile discussions on television and the grim statistics playing out in communities. It is a disturbing disconnect.

Meanwhile, Women’s Aid reported an unprecedented number of domestic abuse disclosures in 2023. Their annual impact report revealed that 40,048 instances of abuse against women and children were reported during 28,638 interactions with frontline services.

Violence against women is an epidemic. We need real change. Chat show conversations aren’t enough. A fleeting viral moment won’t stop us walking without our earphones in or putting our keys in between our fingers. We will still have to plan our route and make sure there are people around us at all times. And that phone that the Norton guests laughed at? It’s in our handbag and we have always known it is a weapon. 

Women’s Aid offers a free 24-hour National Helpline 24/7 on 1800 341 900. It’s a safe, confidential and non-judgmental space to talk through what is happening at home and get practical support, including emergency safe accommodation.