How to handle the co-worker who brings everyone down

We’ve all encountered one, right? That co-worker who brings the whole vibe down and disrupts an otherwise harmonious team. Their annoying habits and bad attitude rub everyone up the wrong way and they can slowly turn a dream job into a bit of a nightmare. 

After all, you could be spending more than 40 hours a week in their company. 

Office vampires aren’t just an inconvenience, these draining people can actually zap workplace productivity, dampen morale, and even increase employee turnover. (Research suggests that around 25% of employees leave their jobs because of annoying co-workers.) 

Chances are, you’ll come up against a colleague with a lack of boundaries, an inflated ego or a desperate need for attention at some point in your career. 

“You can spot a vampire by repetitive toxic behaviour. These might include gossiping, belittling, manipulating and sidelining,” says HR professional Beth Stallwood.  

“Competitiveness can turn toxic in the hands of a vampire, and chronic cynicism can drain a team like nothing else,” she warns. 

Beth says these aren’t just people having a bad day – that happens to all of us. “These are habitual, destabilising behaviours that don’t just go away after a long weekend or when a stressful project is completed,” she surmises. 

The 4 types of office vampire 

As you might expect not all office vampires are created equal. In her book WorkJoy, Beth identifies four kinds of office vampires – or ‘Mood Hoovers’ as she refers to them. 

There are the moaners – the colleague for whom venting and criticising is an unrelenting habit. The one-upmans – those who have always done it better or had it worse than you. 

The manipulators – who Beth describes as wolves in sheep’s clothing. 

“You will hear them slagging people off and, at some point, you’ll probably hear that they’ve done the same to you,” she warns. 

And finally, the my-way-or-the-highway-ers – those colleagues who insist their way of doing things is superior. 

If you’re wondering why people behave like this at work, Beth says there may be several factors at play. Insecurity and imposter syndrome may be two of them. 

“If someone feels chronic ‘not enough-ness’, one way they can seek to make themselves feel better is by pulling others down a peg or two,” she points out. 

“The same goes for manipulators – forming cliques, gossiping and back-stabbing are ways to help a person to feel powerful and important,” she adds. 

It may have a lot to do with how valued they feel too. Beth says vampires tend to thrive in cultures that are mismanaged or have hit the rocks, i.e. environments in which they don’t feel valued. 

Vanquishing the vampire 

Office vampires can undermine the culture and productivity of an entire team – and dealing with them, whether you’re their superior or colleague peer, can be tricky. 

“One of the primary problems with vampire-like behaviour is that it’s infectious,” Beth points out.  

“Vampires signal to others that toxic behaviours are okay, thereby giving permission for others to act in the same way. 

“This is why you often see the culture in certain teams go sour. It’s not necessarily the vibe of the whole company, but vampire-like traits have simply continued unchecked,” she warns. 

In short? Vampire-like behaviour needs to be addressed before it spreads. So, how exactly do you do that? 

Change starts with you. One of the most important things you can do with a vampire in your midst is to model positive interaction and communication. 

“Just as vampire behaviours are infectious, so are those of conscious leadership. So before you do anything else, work on what you as a leader are putting out there,” Beth advises. 

When you’re frustrated, it can be tempting to stoop to their level, but keeping your standards high sets a good example and could have a positive ‘trickle down’ effect on the rest of the team – vampire included. 

It might be tricky, but Beth says whatever you do do not engage in their negative behaviour. “Do not let yourself be drawn into the vampire’s toxic world. If they are moaning – don’t moan. 

“If they’re undermining or gossiping about others – do not engage in it, or you will become part of the problem. Whatever the behaviour is, it’s your job to be a barrier against it,” she says. 

Listening skills are a must too. Beth says it’s likely you’ll need to have a conversation with your resident vampire. 

“It’s entirely possible that the vampire in question isn’t aware of their toxic trait or the effect it’s having on their colleagues,” she points out. 

It’s a difficult position to be in, but it’s your job to deliver this feedback. Beth’s advice is to do it in private, tell them what you’ve noticed, and ask for their perspective on what’s going on and where it’s coming from. 

“Remember that you have no idea what’s going on for them to act in this way, so instead of going in hard, try to really listen,” she advises. 

This is where your skills as an empathetic and compassionate leader will really come into play. 

Next steps

Talking to your vampire is an opportunity to ask for positive action. Beth says it’s a good idea to finish your conversation with a question like, ‘What action can you take to make this better?’.

“If they act, brilliant – you’ve helped move someone. If they don’t take any action and repeat their behaviour, you can think about more definitive action,” she says.

This can be a challenging process and you may want to gather some support by talking to your manager or a member of your HR team, for example. 

They will be able to advise on the proper disciplinary procedures to follow if they are necessary. 

There’s no guarantee that your office vampire will change, but as is often the case in the world of work, you can control the controllables. 

You can’t control the energy of the people around you, but you can control the energy you share with the world, and in doing so, you might inspire others to follow suit.