Has the culture of confidence created a no-win scenario for women at work?

“Just act more confident.”

This simple phrase is often shared as a nugget of professional wisdom to women across all sectors. On reflection, it encapsulates the majority of professional advice given to me over the past two decades. It has come from the mouths of colleagues and leaders; leapt from magazine pages and the endless scroll of Instagram; and it’s a phrase I have repeated to myself before many important meetings.

With a welcome increased emphasis on inclusive workplaces and gender balance across senior leadership roles over the past decade, there is no shortage of surveys that conclude the following: women lack confidence. It is pointed to as a reason why women “don’t reach the top”; don’t get equal pay; don’t make it to the boardroom table; don’t apply for the promotions; and don’t get heard. But surely it’s not this simple?

Complexity arises, however, in how we have come to use the word “confidence”. According to best-selling author Lisa Sun, confidence has come to mean something other than its dictionary definition. “When we talk about confidence, it is described as being assertive; about speaking up; about bravado and standing up on a stage,” she says. “It is very behavioural… and it is the wrong definition,” she explains in her book, Gravitas. This usage means that despite confidence being ostensibly a gender-neutral concept, it has become gendered in how we define it.

Research published last year found that as well as being gendered, confidence is also being “weaponised against women”. Sharing the findings in the Harvard Business Review, co-researcher Dr Darren Baker, then an assistant professor at the UCD Michael Smurfit Business School (now a professor in Melbourne), said: “When women fail to achieve career goals, leaders are prone to attribute it to a lack of self-confidence. And when women demonstrate high levels of confidence through behaviours, such as being extroverted or assertive, they risk overdoing it and, ironically, being perceived as lacking confidence… No matter the outcome, women’s lack of career progression is blamed on them, an attack they share with other underrepresented groups.”

Ideas to boost your self-belief

Keep a success log. Take note of any positive feedback you get or when you manage something well at home or at work. Be specific with the details. Check it regularly, update it and try to foster those qualities.

Take action. Self-belief comes from action – instead of waiting for the confidence to take action, Sarah Doyle advises taking one step today. Look for jobs where your skillset is championed, or try to shape your current role into something that better works for you, and by extension, your company.

Concentrate on your strengths. Tap into memories of times you felt confidence within you or when you really buzzed with self-belief. What strengths were you using in those moments? What strengths do you bring to your life every day? Write them down and actively work on improving them even further.

Ban overusing the words “I’m sorry”. If you are someone who routinely apologises for things that are not worthy of an apology, challenge yourself to change your narrative. Instead of saying “I’m sorry I am taking so much of your time on this”, say “Thank you for giving me your time on this”. It’s less about how others perceive you and more about how you perceive yourself.

Imagery via Unsplash.

IMAGE Winter 2023

This article originally appeared in the winter 2023 issue of IMAGE Magazine.

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