Financial advisor Paul Merriman breaks down the biggest warning signs to look out for before your love life goes into money meltdown.
Money troubles are one of the leading causes of breakups, with 28% of couples arguing about finances at least once a week, and 5% experiencing daily disputes. Shockingly, 38% of individuals in relationships admit to having a secret savings account hidden from their partner.
Yet many people continue to overlook financial red flags, often until it’s too late. Whether it’s hidden debt, financial irresponsibility, or money manipulation, these warning signs can have a lasting impact on finances and emotional well-being. Here are seven of the big ones to watch out for in your relationship.
1. The Debt Denier
One of the biggest financial red flags is a partner who avoids money discussions, downplays their debt, or refuses to take responsibility for their financial situation. Their behaviour can be a ticking time bomb, especially if you’re considering merging finances, applying for a mortgage, or planning a long-term future together.
Ignoring debt doesn’t make it disappear, and a partner who consistently dodges financial accountability could put both your relationship and your financial stability at risk.
How to spot a debt denier
They brush off debt as a “no big deal”. They downplay their financial situation with phrases like “everyone has debt” or “it’s just temporary” while having no clear repayment plan.
They get defensive about money talk. If bringing up finances leads to avoidance, excuses, or even anger, they’re likely dodging the reality of their financial situation.
They make minimum payments or ignore bills. Their debt never seems to shrink because they pay the bare minimum or let bills pile up.
They live beyond their means. Their lifestyle doesn’t match their income, yet they insist they’re financially stable.
2. The Financially Secretive Partner
One of the most concerning financial red flags is a partner who keeps their earnings, spending, debts, or financial decisions hidden. Financial secrecy can be just as damaging as financial irresponsibility, as it breeds distrust, fuels misunderstandings, and can lead to long-term financial instability. Open and honest communication about money is essential for a healthy relationship. If a partner is intentionally concealing their financial situation, it’s a serious warning sign.
How to spot a financially secretive partner
They have “mystery money”. They earn an income, but you’re never quite sure how much they make, where it goes, or if they even have savings.
They keep separate accounts without discussion. Financial independence is healthy, but refusing to communicate about finances in a committed relationship is a red flag.
They hide purchases or credit card statements. If they stash receipts, delete transactions, or refuse to share financial details, they may be concealing debt or reckless spending.
3. The Guilt-Tripper
One of the most toxic financial red flags is a partner who uses emotional manipulation to pressure you into spending money, taking financial responsibility for them, or feeling guilty for setting boundaries. These behaviours can lead to financial strain, resentment, and long-term instability if left unchecked.
How to spot a guilt-tripper
They make you feel bad for saying no. If you refuse to pay for something, they respond with guilt-inducing comments like “if you really loved me, you’d help me out” or “I guess I just don’t mean that much to you.”
They play the victim. They always seem to have a financial “emergency” and expect you to solve it, even when it’s due to their poor money management.
They compare you to others. Saying things like “my friend’s partner pays for everything” or “other couples don’t argue about money” to pressure you into spending.
4. The Luxury Lifestyle Addict
One of the most dangerous financial red flags is a partner who lives beyond their means, prioritising lavish spending over financial stability. Whether it’s designer clothing, high-end dining, luxury travel, or the latest gadgets, their constant need for indulgence can quickly spiral into financial disaster—especially if they expect you to fund their lifestyle.
How to spot a luxury lifestyle addict
They finance their lifestyle on credit. They rely on maxed-out credit cards or loans to afford non-essential purchases, signalling potential financial trouble.
They have no savings or emergency fund. Despite their extravagant spending, they never seem to have money set aside for unexpected expenses or financial security.
They chase trends over financial security. They always need the newest phone, designer item or trendiest experience, regardless of their financial situation.
5. The Credit Score Catastrophe
A poor credit history is a major financial red flag, especially if your partner ignores or downplays its significance. While love can make it easy to overlook financial habits, a bad credit score can have serious consequences—affecting your ability to rent a home, secure a mortgage, or build a stable financial future together.
How to spot a credit score catastrophe
They struggle to get a rental or mortgage. If they can’t secure housing without a guarantor, it’s a sign their credit score is too low for banks and landlords to trust them.
They rely on your creditworthiness. They ask you to co-sign loans, take out credit in your name, or pay bills on their behalf, putting your financial stability at risk.
They max out credit cards or live in their overdraft. They constantly hit their credit limit and only make minimum payments, signalling ongoing financial trouble.
6. The Borrower Who Never Pays Back
It’s a very bad sign when a partner constantly borrows money, but never repays it. What might start as small loans and harmless excuses can quickly turn into a pattern of financial strain, resentment, and even serious financial loss if left unchecked.
How to spot a borrower who never pays back
They always have a “short term” money crisis. They frequently ask to “borrow” money for unexpected expenses, bills, rent, or emergencies, but the requests never stop.
They make excuses instead of payments. When repayment time comes, they say things like “I’ll pay you back next month”, “I’m just waiting for my paycheque”, or “I thought you didn’t need it right away.”
They borrow from multiple people. If they’ve left a trail of unpaid debts with friends, family, or exes, chances are they won’t treat you any differently.
They ‘forget’ their debts. They act like the loan never happened, hoping you won’t bring it up. If you remind them, they get defensive or delay repayment with vague promises like “I’ll sort it out soon.”
7. The Money Manipulator
One of the most serious financial red flags is a partner who uses money as a tool for control, power, or emotional leverage. Unlike financial irresponsibility, this behaviour is often deliberate, designed to limit your independence, dictate your choices, or make you financially reliant on them.
Left unchecked, financial manipulation can escalate into full-blown financial abuse, making it difficult to leave the relationship or regain financial freedom.
How to spot a money manipulator
They restrict your access to money. They control your bank account, credit cards, or income, forcing you to ask for money rather than having financial autonomy.
They control all financial decisions. They insist on managing all the money, leaving you in the dark about joint finances, savings, or investments.
They use money to punish you. If you argue, they may withhold financial support, refuse to pay bills, or use money as a weapon to manipulate your actions.
They use debt as a trap. They pressure you into co-signing loans, taking out credit in your name, or paying their bills, leaving you financially responsible for their mistakes.
They insist on you relying on them. They discourage you from working, earning your own income, or keeping a separate bank account, ensuring you remain financially reliant on them.
So, how do you protect yourself from financial red flags?
Understanding your partner’s financial habits early on can save you from heartbreak and financial ruin. Open and honest conversations about money are essential in any relationship. Here are key steps to safeguard your finances:
Have the money talk early. Discuss financial goals, debts, and spending habits before making major commitments like moving in together or merging finances.
Set financial boundaries. Love isn’t about bailing someone out. Know when to say no to financially supporting a partner, especially if it becomes a pattern.
Protect your credit. Avoid co-signing loans or taking on debt for a partner unless you’re fully aware of the risks and their financial responsibility.
Keep an emergency fund. Maintain a personal savings account with at least 3–6 months’ worth of expenses to ensure financial independence.
Check credit scores. Before making big financial commitments, check both your own and your partner’s credit score using free services like Central Credit Register (CCR). This can reveal financial habits and potential risks.
Get everything in writing. Whether lending money, splitting rent, or co-signing a loan, always have written agreements to avoid future disputes. If you lend money, outline the repayment plan clearly.
Financial compatibility is just as important as emotional compatibility. By staying informed, setting clear boundaries, and maintaining financial independence, you can build a relationship that’s both emotionally fulfilling and financially secure.
Paul Merriman is a leading financial advisor at askpaul.
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