‘We’ve been listening to the male perspective for so long, it would be nice if they listened to ours’

Fresh off the back of an (almost) winning performance on Amazon Prime’s Last One Laughing Ireland, it’s an exciting time for the comic who has both a new podcast (Keep It Tight which she co-hosts with fellow comedian Emma Doran) and a new tour (O’Kaning It) to keep her on the straight and narrow. Here she chats to Sarah Finnan about everything from the 90s comedy scene to social media and life on the road.

Comedy used to be a bit of a boys’ club. Was it difficult? Yes, it was difficult because it’s always difficult to be the only anything. If you’re the only woman or the only black person or the only white person, it’s a disadvantage and you are slightly on the back foot. I didn’t know that back then. I didn’t have a language around what it meant to be the only female in the line-up every time I went into a club, it’s only with hindsight that I realised it didn’t help me. At the same time, you just get on with it; whatever you’re in, whatever your circumstances are. What choice do you have? It’s only now that we’re talking about inclusivity that I realise, ‘Oh actually, maybe that’s why I left.’ I left stand-up for 10 years because I found it very hard. 

I had to be very good, very fast. I think I told myself at the time, ‘Stand-up’s just hard. Forget about being the only woman, it’s just hard and it’s hard for men as well.’ But the difference between the male comics and me was, people didn’t want to see women on stage. I remember a time when I would be introduced and you’d hear a groan from the audience. That may well have made me a better comic but there was no room for error. It’s a double-edged sword. I think any women who are the minority in their industry would tell you that they have to be better than the men. It’s not enough for them to be as good as. I certainly didn’t think I was better than the men, I thought I was weaker but that was only because I didn’t see myself represented anywhere. I didn’t understand that my energy was very different.

A lot more women are getting into comedy, and that’s all thanks to this new wave of podcasting and the success of people like Joanne McNally and Vogue Williams. Podcasting has brought comedy to a new audience and women are going in their droves to support other women. You know what I find very interesting about that though? Some of those audiences – like Joanne’s – are predominantly female, so the men are not going. We always went to see the men. Every male audience is pretty much a 50/50 split. You don’t get only men going to see male comics, but that hasn’t quite caught up. I have a healthy percentage – I’d say my audience is 30/40% male but it’s interesting, isn’t it? We’ve been listening to the male perspective for so long, it would be nice if they listened to ours.

Podcasting isn’t off-the-cuff, you can’t just rock up and sit in a chair without having a plan. I have a new podcast with Emma Doran, Keep It Tight. We’re very aware that there’s an audience, so we prep. The subjects are prepped – we may not stick to it because you go off on tangents and down roads you don’t expect to go down, but we have a very good producer and she puts manners on us. I wouldn’t see a lot of Emma until we record – we’re both busy, on different sides of the city with kids and lives so I wouldn’t be grabbing a coffee with her. But I so look forward to seeing her then on the Monday, to wait-till-I-tell you. It’s lovely. We didn’t know it would work. You never know if your chemistry is going to work, you’re taking a shot but so far, it looks like it really does. 

Social media has taken away the gatekeepers and that is really important because that means it’s a level playing field. You’re not excluding people on any basis. You can go directly to your audience. You still need to do the traditional things and turn up on talk shows and talk to the press – you need all of it – but this is a way in. Comics like Emma Doran made it online. Her digital content is incredible, so she built an audience and then went into theatres – that’s very, very new. In the old days, you went, you learned your craft by going in and doing five minutes and 10 minutes and building it up in a live space. Some digital creators don’t cross over to live stand-up, some do but the point is, you could do it by yourself if you wanted to. 

It can be lonely at times. For the first part of my tour last year I was on my own. It felt fine initially. It was just post-Covid and people weren’t fully back out yet – I was very unsure about numbers, if ticket sales were going to happen. If you have a support act, you have to pay for that, and I just didn’t know if I could afford it. I initially went out on my own, which is unusual, but it was summertime and I was just so bloody happy to get out, to be in the car and go. It worked out for a couple of months, but Jesus, as soon as winter hit, it very quickly became lonely and depressing. And I thought, ‘Oh my God, what am I doing?’. But then the numbers improved and I hired somebody. I won’t go out on my own again. I nearly always have an opening act nowadays, someone to share the driving with. I can’t do three-hour car drives in the dark on the way back alone, so if you can find someone who’s good company, who you get on with and who you can share the driving with, that’s more fun. 

All shared experience is shared experience, it normalises your emotions. I remember being incredibly lonely as a first-time mum at home with the baby. And that’s common. If we don’t talk about that, then you might be sitting there thinking, ‘Oh my God, I’m very bad at this. Should I not be feeling overjoyed?’ We need to talk. Talking is good, we know this. Shared problems are good, it’s useful, it’s an insight, you’re learning. 

A good friend is someone who always has your back. No matter if you have a fallout or a row, it’s not going to end your relationship. You let it pass, you forgive each other and you get on with it. I guess we just need that person who’s going to have good insight and is just always there, who you can pick up the phone to when you need to. You only need a couple of them. I don’t have the time [to maintain a wide circle]. You just need a couple of very good friends, a handful. A half a dozen. I have a lot of friends that I don’t see a lot, but we’re very able to pick up. No matter how many months or even years go past, we can pick up and go to a deep place very quickly. And I love that because you’re not making demands on each other. That’s important. Don’t be making demands on the friendship. 

Last One Laughing was such a wild experience. It was such a crazy job. We were in that room for 10 hours, you go a bit delirious. I was gone mad by the end. But you don’t want to leave – you could see when people went out that they were really disappointed. Comics are very competitive!

I think I’m going to darker places in my stand-up. I’m starting my new show, O’Kaning It, in a few weeks. It has probably been my most challenging show to date. There’s a slight shift in my energy. I think my stand-up is just changing, so I hope that the audience comes with me and they’re able for a little bit more darkness. Sometimes the audience has to meet me halfway, they have to work as well and come with you. I’m enjoying my stand-up more than I ever did and I can’t believe that. The previews have certainly been good fun so I’m looking forward to hitting the road. It’s so gratifying that the tickets are selling and that’s the most rewarding thing. 

Deirdre O’Kane is an ambassador for Benecol’s new ‘That Caring Friend’ campaign which celebrates friendships and the relationships that make us happier and healthier. According to new research, 93% of Irish people agree that friendships have a positive impact on your health. The World Health Organization recently launched an international commission to combat loneliness, which the US Surgeon General found to be as bad for people’s health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.