A transformation coach on how to navigate grief at Christmas

The festive season often carries an expectation of cheer and togetherness, but when you’re dealing with personal pain, this pressure can really start to feel overwhelming. Having experienced the loss of my fiancé weeks before Christmas some years back, I truly understand how daunting this time of year can be. If you’re finding the approach of the festive season difficult, know that you’re not alone.

Here are eight practical tips to help you navigate December and beyond.

1. ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEELINGS
It really is okay not to feel festive. We often feel pressured to put on a brave face, but acknowledging your emotions – whether it’s grief, loneliness, or simply feeling overwhelmed – is the very first step toward coping. You don’t have to “fake it” for the sake of others. Let yourself feel what you’re feeling.

2. SET BOUNDARIES. BE SELECTIVE WITH SOCIAL EVENTS
You might feel pressure to attend every festive gathering or celebration, but it’s really okay to say no as well. Protect your energy and only commit to what feels manageable and also where you know you will feel safe. Know this. You don’t ever owe anyone an explanation for prioritising your emotional well-being above theirs!

3. CREATE NEW TRADITIONS
This time of year has the ability to trigger painful reminders of who’s missing which of course makes experiencing those old traditions even more challenging. Instead of avoiding the season entirely, consider creating new traditions that honour your feelings. This could be something small, like volunteering in their honour, cooking a favourite recipe of theirs or donating to a charity they supported.

4. REACH OUT FOR SUPPORT
Whether it’s friends, family, or a professional therapist, don’t be afraid to lean on others. Sometimes talking about your feelings, especially with people who understand, can lift some of the emotional weight. It’s okay to ask for help – emotionally, physically, or even practically.

5. WRITE A LETTER TO THEM. THEN BURN IT.
This one I’ve done a number of times and always get comfort from doing it. It’s a meaningful ritual that allows you to honour your feelings and your connection to the person you’ve lost. Consider writing a letter to them, sharing everything you’d want to say if they were still here. Tell them about what’s happening in your life, your joys, your struggles, and how much you’re missing them.

Once you’ve written the letter, take it to a place that holds significance for your relationship. This could be somewhere they loved, a spot where you shared special memories or even a quiet place where you feel connected to them.

When you’re ready, release the letter by setting it on fire (safely, of course) and letting the ashes carry your words into the universe. It’s a symbolic way to let go of emotions that may feel heavy while still holding on to their memory.

This act of release can bring a sense of peace and connection, reminding you that love and memory remain even as you move through the difficult emotions of loss.

6. PLAN AHEAD TO MANAGE STRESS
The run-up to Christmas can often feel chaotic, so planning ahead can help alleviate some of the stress. Write down your priorities and cut out any and all unnecessary tasks that add pressure. If gift shopping feels overwhelming, simplify it; consider donations in loved ones’ names or focus on experiences rather than material things.

7. ALLOW YOURSELF SPACE TO GRIEVE
Grief doesn’t take a holiday, and this time of year can really intensify it. Instead of pushing it away, give yourself permission to grieve in your own way and time. The hustle and bustle of the season can feel suffocating. Make room for moments of quiet reflection. Whether it’s through meditation, journaling, or simply sitting with your thoughts, these pockets of stillness can help ground you during chaotic times.

8. NO ROOM FOR GUILT
If you do find yourself laughing, smiling, or enjoying the festive spirit, don’t feel guilty. It’s okay to have moments of joy, even in the midst of grief. Allow yourself to experience all the emotions the season brings, without feeling like you’re betraying your loss.

Remember, there’s no “right” way to navigate the festive season when you’re dealing with loss or emotional challenges. Be kind to yourself, honour your feelings, and take it one step at a time. It’s okay to not have all the answers or to feel conflicted about how to approach the holidays. You’re allowed to create your own path through this time, in a way that feels authentic to you.

If you need support, know that it’s available, whether through friends, family, or professional resources. You don’t have to do this alone. As you move through December, just remember to be gentle with yourself, honour your emotions, and find small ways to hold space for both the love and the loss; because even in the hardest moments, there’s room for light to enter.