How to quit social media comparison for good

I posted a Reel last week on my Instagram which featured my faithful dog, Bella, running through the woods towards me, and then suddenly veering off to the left to smell something much more interesting! I likened it to how we can simply be going about our own business and then we spot what somebody else is doing and it takes us completely off course. The intention wasn’t merely to demonstrate how easily distracted we all are, which of course is true, but to highlight the increasing prevalence of comparisonitis in our own lives. It seemed to resonate deeply, as I’ve received more engagement on that one post than all of last month combined!

While Bella herself does not have access to a mobile phone (at least, not yet) this points to the challenge that each of us faces – navigating our everyday lives, constantly comparing ourselves to others in this wonderful period of technological advancement we inhabit.

Connections

Social media has truly become a double-edged sword when it comes to comparisonitis. There’s no denying that it connects you with so many new people and exposes you to opportunities like never before, but on the downside, it really can, and most certainly does, fuel your insecurities and magnify your comparison tendencies. You’re drowning in a pool of images of how others are living their best lives and highlighting what you perceive to be glaringly absent from your own.

Reality

While you’re more than capable of understanding that what you’re seeing represents a very curated highlight of other people’s lives, something different happens when you witness their achievements, observe their presence at fun social gatherings, watch as they acquire expensive new purchases or see them holidaying in exotic locations. What you need to get better at is acknowledging that rarely do you see their struggles, the challenges they face or the setbacks they might experience behind the scenes. Nor indeed, do you get to learn anything that gives you the history or tells you in any meaningful way what has happened in the lead-up to that captured and subsequently advertised moment. This, of course, creates an unrealistic standard to measure yourself against, leading to feelings of deep inadequacy, insecurity, or the omnipresent fear of missing out.

Like and follow

It doesn’t matter that you’ve been told repeatedly that the algorithms are designed to keep you engaged by showing you content that’s likely to evoke quite strong reactions within you. Social media by its very existence fosters and promotes a culture of comparison through likes, followers, and validation. So, of course, you unconsciously measure your worth based on these metrics, seeking external approval and validation rather than finding fulfilment from within. You feel successful because others tell you that you are. Sound at all familiar?

Mental health

You’ve accepted that it can be addictive, consuming large chunks of your time and mental space. Yet, the more time you spend scrolling through feeds, the more you’re exposed to comparisons and unrealistic standards. It’s like being bombarded with images and messages that are sent to reinforce your insecurities and make you feel like you’re not good enough.
This is exactly why you must do everything you can to look after your own mental well-being; by monitoring the amount of time you spend on your phone but also by muting those people you recognise have the potential to make you feel bad about yourself. You know exactly who does this to you.

Take responsibility

This feeling that everyone else has it all figured out except for you is a shared and common one; rest assured, you’re not alone in this. However, you must start to approach it mindfully and fully recognise the potential pitfalls. The best way to ensure this is by taking ownership and accepting responsibility for all you expose yourself to. By setting boundaries, curating your own feed and prioritising real-life and in-person connections, you can mitigate the negative effects of comparisonitis and find greater contentment offline.

Continue to surround yourself with those who inspire and uplift you, as well as those who are open about their struggles and challenges. Focus on all you can control and what you have agency over, which is your own journey of growth and development. Instead of comparison to others, strive to be better than you were yesterday.

Remember too that appearances will always be deceptive and the chances are that what you see on the surface is never a reflection of the reality beneath. So many people project confidence and success outwardly but, trust me, just because they don’t show them online doesn’t imply that they too don’t possess their fair share of doubts, insecurities, and uncertainties.

Nothing captures the futility of comparison more perfectly than these beautiful words from Japanese Buddhist Zenshin:
“A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.’

Niamh Ennis is a leading Change & Transformation Coach & Business Mentor who through her private practice, workshops, programmes, and podcast has helped thousands of women get greater clarity and embrace change in their lives and their businesses. She’s an accredited Personal, Leadership & Executive Coach, Lead Coach in the IMAGE Business Club and founder of the EVOLVE Coaching Programme and BELIEVE Business Mentoring Programme. Follow Niamh on Instagram at @1niamhennis.

Illustration by Laura Kenny.

This article was originally published in April 2024.