The baby years leave little time for much other than feeding, changing and wiping sticky body parts. But last on the list of priorities is usually mum, writes Amanda Cassidy
Putting your children first is normal. It makes sense to focus on the needs of such precious new lives ahead of your own. But there are times within that haze of having young children where you can and should allocate time for a little self-love.
And it benefits everyone.
Energy leakage leaves you physically weakened, mentally exhausted and less likely to be the best version of yourself. We pour ourselves into our children, wanting to give them the best of everything — and that includes yourself.
Marika Lindholm is a psychologist and mother. She says there are ways you can shine a light on your own needs without feeling guilty. “Children push us to our limits, invoking feelings of inadequacy. Instead of telling ourselves we are messing up, shift your focus to what’s going well. Spend time each day focusing on what you are offering your child. Praise yourself and forgive yourself for any crankiness. We are all human.”
Lauren Furstenberg has a popular blog about her mission to retain a healthy attitude when it comes to managing life with her children.
She writes about the importance of setting a good example for her little ones. “Things will droop, after babies, after sleepless nights. But with awareness and reflection, you come to admire the strength in every one of those stripes of life. The woman looking back at you in the mirror is wiser every day. She is part your own mother and part your own unique self. Trust her.
Aim for healthy and you will land on confidence. Little people are now watching. Show them a woman doesn’t have to run herself into the ground to be loved. When you water your own roots, you will grow and give shade to your little seeds”
Here are the best practices of self-love you can offer yourself:
Life philosopher and author Brene Brown put it best when she said, “You can only love your child as much as you love yourself.” But being hard-wired to believe that a good mother only thinks of her children is a hard habit to break.
I arrive home after the school run, the single busiest 20 minutes of the day. Lunchboxes need emptying, starving tummies need filling, coats off, shoes off, any negativity the children have been battling throughout their day leak out ready to be absorbed by me.
I usually realise an hour later that I’ve needed to pee for three hours, I haven’t yet eaten and I’ve the usual 20 WhatsApp messages that need attention. The result is a harried, wearier version of myself.
So 2020 I’ve vowed is going to be the year to be kinder to myself now that my children are more self-sufficient. I let them do more for themselves so it frees up my time. I take some easy routes – batch cook, have a fish-fingers day, I don’t cook individual meals for everyone anymore. I prioritise eating before I collect them and I focus on things I enjoy – reading, running, yoga.
I still can’t shake that indulgent feeling, but it is starting to get easier to focus on myself a little more than I did. Happy mum raises happy children is the best advice I’ve heard. Find your spark and make your mark. Your children will thank you for it.
Image via Unsplash.com
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