Loneliness: how to navigate and overcome it

External vs Internal

In a world where our social media feeds are filled with curated stories of popularity, success, and forced enthusiasm, it’s easy to assume that everyone else is leading a picture-perfect life. Yet, behind that external facade often lies a silent struggle – the pain of loneliness. For many, the concept of perpetual excitement can become a heavy burden to carry, disguising the profound sense of isolation that so often lives within us.

Amidst the constant stream of exciting social gatherings, giggly selfies, and glowing updates, it’s all too easy for us to get lost in the illusion of connection. Viewers may wonder at the seemingly vibrant life you are leading, totally unaware of the darker moments spent wrestling with loneliness. The pressure to maintain the perfect image can only deepen your sense of isolation, leaving you trapped in an ever-ending cycle of pretence, and on it goes.

Who is prone to loneliness?

While loneliness is a pervasive yet often unspoken reality it’s important to note that it transcends age, gender, and all cultural boundaries. It is very much a universal human experience, one that can be incredibly challenging to acknowledge and confront. In a world that appears more connected than ever before, the contradiction of loneliness persists, leaving us to grapple with the fallout of feeling on our own.

What is it?

Loneliness or isolation is not simply the absence of company but is a more profound sense of disconnect at a deeper level. It can present itself in various ways, from the solitude of being physically isolated from others to the deep ache of emotional distance in very crowded rooms. The experience of loneliness stems from a fundamental human need for belonging and understanding, something that we all have inside of us.

In trying to determine what exactly causes loneliness, there are too many contributing factors that may lead you to this place. The prevalence of your busy lives, myriad family responsibilities and relentless career demands can leave you little time to nurture meaningful connections with others and with yourself. In addition, life transitions such as relocation, redundancies, serious illness, relationship breakdowns, endings of friendships, or the death of a loved one can all serve to intensify those feelings of isolation as you navigate the hurdles life throws at you.

Belonging

We all crave belonging and to feel part of something, to know that someone is in our corner supporting us. Our hearts ache for connection and companionship. We are all aware that loneliness can exist in a crowded room but that doesn’t stop us from slipping into despair when it happens to us and it leaves us feeling that there must be something wrong with us because we feel like this.

A client of mine recently shared with me that in her friendship circle, she is surrounded by strong, confident women. These are her friends, who repeatedly insist how unattractive they find neediness in another human. As a result, she has been forced to keep her increasing feelings of loneliness very much to herself, to the point that she feels more isolated and more separate from them than ever. She doesn’t want to appear weak or that she is failing at life so she says nothing.

Think about just how skilled you might be at pretending, to feel, to be, to show up as someone else, someone that is at odds with how you are feeling? If you can do it, and do it so well, then why do you find it so hard to believe that you aren’t the only ones and that others are possibly struggling in the same way? Will it change anything if you accept that as fact? Maybe not, but it will help you start to feel a little less alone, a little less different and that goes a long way to start the journey back from loneliness.

What to do about it

So, what can we do to address those feelings of loneliness and isolation? Fight the desire to deny or suppress them and start by embracing them with some compassion and self-acceptance. Begin by building more meaningful connections with others. Yes, this may require you to step a little outside of your comfort zone showing your vulnerability and engaging more honestly with others. It will feel hard at the start, so expect that. It may involve reaching out to old friends, joining community groups or clubs, or actively volunteering for causes that resonate with your values.

Start where you are. Shared experiences and genuine human contact are essential and necessary ingredients for creating meaningful connections. Whether it’s a gentle conversation over coffee, going for a walk outdoors in nature with a friend or investing time and energy in offline interactions it will inevitably leave you feeling better.

In times of deep and prevailing loneliness, it’s vital to remember that there is professional help available and that seeking support is always a sign of strength, never a sign of weakness.

To those who find themselves struggling with loneliness and unable to articulate it, I offer these words of encouragement, not as a platitude but as a truth: you are not alone. This is but a bumpy patch and with some effort on your part you will move on from it. While I firmly believe it is inherently good for us to enjoy spending time on our own, I recognise that it is a world apart from being able to relate to the excruciating pain of loneliness. Don’t confuse them and if you are in pain, whatever you do, don’t let yourself suffer in silence.

Niamh Ennis is a leading Change & Transformation Coach who through her private practice, workshops, programmes, and podcast has helped thousands of women get greater clarity and embrace change in their lives. She’s an accredited Personal, Leadership & Executive Coach and the Lead Coach in the IMAGE Business Club. Click here to get your free 7 Steps to Change Guide, niamhennis.com. Follow Niamh on Instagram at @1niamhennis.

Photography by Unsplash.