Teenage Girls are in a crisis, what can we do?

The women of Ireland have come a long way. The generations that came before us have all moved the dial in terms of women’s rights, our choices, and our ability to have a seat at every table.

All of us have benefitted from their sacrifice, their hard work and their belief that every small win would benefit their daughters, and the generations that would follow.

Our generation was the last to grow up without social media. We survived the “Circle of Shame” era, not unscathed, but with a renewed sense of our own responsibility when it comes to the girls who are coming up behind us. It doesn’t matter if you’re a mother of daughters, a coach of the local GAA team, a leader, a boss or a changemaker, we know that we all have a part to play in shaping futures, with boundaries to be pushed, conversations to be had and assumptions to be challenged.

Actions matter

Our girls are influenced in many ways, and it’s true that social media has drawn them into a world that we can’t control or protect them from. They are exposed to an average of 6-10 thousand adverts a day. Much of that messaging exists for one purpose which is to earn money, and many do so by telling our girls that they won’t be good enough unless they reach an unattainable level of perfection. As soon as that level of perfection becomes attainable, profits fall, and that’s why none of us will ever reach it. It’s no coincidence that the spike in anxiety amongst our teens happened at the same time as the rise in social media use from 2008 onwards.

It feels like we’re fighting a losing battle, but we need to realise that our words and actions matter. How we speak to ourselves, how we speak to and about each other, how we model self-worth, and how we take up space in the world. As women, we feel that we need to be superwomen, have the perfect life, perfect kids, perfect relationships, perfect bodies, and manage it all without a single stretch mark or wrinkle. This doesn’t serve any of us, and we need stop apologising for existing.

I believe that as women, our stories are our superpowers. We have all overcome huge challenges. Many of us have deeply entrenched insecurities, are crippled with self doubt, and yet we continue to show up. We cry in the shower or in the car and then put on our bravest faces and run the meeting, change the nappy or entertain the guests with a smile.

Claim what is ours

Let’s all stop pretending and get real. We need to consider the messages that we are giving those who look up to and learn from us. We need to stop pretending we have it all figured out. The next generation needs to see us worry, see us cry, see us struggle, and see us fail. And they need to know that that’s okay.

They also need to see us learn from our mistakes, lean on each other when we need support, and pick ourselves up and try again. They need to know that none of our pathways were easy, but that we have learned through adversity, not in spite of, but maybe even because of those challenges. They need to know that the chips in our armour don’t diminish our value, they make us more unique, more rare and more valuable.

This starts with how we speak about ourselves. Especially when it comes to our bodies, which are not ornaments to be admired by others, but rather the vehicles that we have been given to achieve our dreams. Our bodies, which come in many shapes and sizes, are not landscapes to be conquered by others or currencies which depreciate as the years pass.

So let’s stop apologising and start claiming what is ours, our bodies, our stories, our uniqueness and our voices. Our girls are relying on us.

Tammy Darcy is a multi-award winning social entrepreneur, author, and podcaster. As the founder and of The Shona Project, she has delivered workshops and events to tens of thousands of teenage girls across Ireland. IMAGE are proud to partner with The Shona Project and highlight their work. Find out more at shona.ie