The truth about motherhood over 40 and why it’s never too late to start

Do you ever wonder what your life will look like this time next year?

On my 39th birthday, I was single. By my 40th, I had met my partner, we had moved in together, and I was pregnant. The week of my 41st birthday, we were married, and our little boy was in attendance. By 42, I was pregnant with twin girls.

Life has a way of unfolding in the most unexpected ways.

Having children in my 40s was never part of a grand plan. I hadn’t been waiting for the ‘right’ time or intentionally delaying motherhood – it was simply how my life panned out. Looking back, I realise that life often takes you on a journey you didn’t expect, only to bring you exactly where you’re meant to be.

While many of my friends were settling down and having children in their 20s and early 30s, I was on a different path. I spent most of my 30s single. I travelled, moved to London, built a career and soaked up city life. It was full and exciting, but in the quieter moments, I did wonder; was love in the cards for me? Would I ever have a family of my own?

Then, three months after my 39th birthday, I went on a date. A single moment that shifted the trajectory of my life.

I met my partner, and everything started moving quickly. Love, home, marriage and motherhood, all in what felt like a whirlwind. 

We welcomed our first child when I was 40. Like any new mother, I was overjoyed, but the journey to get there wasn’t without its challenges. Before my son, I had a miscarriage, an experience so many of us go through but often in silence. At 42, I became pregnant again, this time with twin girls. That pregnancy, too, followed a miscarriage. The experience of loss made me even more aware of how delicate, unpredictable and deeply personal the journey to motherhood can be.

Today, at 46, I’m a mother to three beautifully wild, caring and wonderfully noisy children. Life is chaotic, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Some people have told me that having children later in life is selfish, that I should have done it sooner. But for me, it was never about waiting, it was about living my life, it was about making choices that felt right for me at each stage of my life. My journey wasn’t dictated by a timeline, but by the decisions I made along the way.

When I was 37 and still single, I found myself thinking more about the possibility of motherhood. I wasn’t sure if having a family would be in my future, so I took action. I booked an AMH test and scan, a simple test that gives insight into ovarian reserve and fertility potential. My results were positive, no concerning decline in egg count, no immediate red flags. That knowledge gave me a sense of peace, and based on those results, I chose not to freeze my eggs. I guess I thought I would wait a bit longer.  

We need to have this conversation more. Women are often told that fertility declines sharply after 35, that time is running out. But the reality is more nuanced. Yes, fertility changes with age, but every woman’s journey is different. Science and medicine offer more options than ever before, and while fertility is never guaranteed, the path to motherhood is far more varied than we are often led to believe.

I wanted to share my experience because I know that for many women, as we move into our late 30s, the conversation about motherhood shifts or sometimes, it disappears altogether. There’s an underlying pressure, a whisper in the background: “Time is running out.”

We hear about declining fertility, risks and the assumption that if you haven’t had children by a certain age, maybe you never will. What we don’t hear enough about are the women who do go on to have children later. We don’t hear enough about the possibilities, the changing landscape of motherhood, and the reality that families are built in so many different ways.

 

 

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A post shared by Katie Byrne | Love After 35 (@katiebyrne_)

Yes, pregnancy after 40 comes with certain considerations. I was labeled a ‘geriatric’ pregnancy, a term I couldn’t help but laugh at. However, my experience was overwhelmingly positive. I had no age-related complications, and I genuinely enjoyed being pregnant. The exhaustion of raising young children? That’s universal, whether you’re 25 or 45. There’s also a deep sense of presence, perspective and confidence that comes with becoming a mother when you’ve truly lived.

When I shared my story on Instagram, I never expected it to reach millions. My reel about having babies after 40 resonated with so many women – women who felt like they had missed their chance, women who wondered if it was too late for them.

I want to challenge that narrative. There is no expiration date on love, family or dreams. Life doesn’t follow a straight path, and that’s a beautiful thing. Some of us meet our partners early, some later. Some of us become mothers in our 20s, some in our 40s. Some never do. Every journey is different. Every path is valid.

What matters most is that we embrace our timeline, not the one society tells us we should follow.

So, if you’re in your 30s or 40s wondering if motherhood is still possible for you, I hope you hear this.  You are not behind. You are not too late.
Your story is still unfolding.

Motherhood – like love, like life itself – does not come with a schedule. It arrives when and how it is meant to. For me, it came after years of adventure, heartbreak and growth. It came after I had built a life I loved on my own. And now, as I run around the house like a headless chicken trying to get the children out the door for school or when I stand and listen to the giggles coming from the room next door, I know, without a doubt, that this was the right timing for us. 

Remember that even if your journey is unfolding differently than you expected, if the pieces aren’t coming together in the way you once imagined, know that your path is still meaningful.

Life’s most beautiful moments don’t always follow a set timeline; they arrive in their own way, in their own time.

Welcome to The Motherload – where we share the load, the laughs and the love of modern, working motherhood with honesty, humour and heart. Society may not have caught up with us, but that won’t stop us. We find joy in the chaos, meaning in the mess and when it gets too much, we lean on each other. That’s where The Motherload comes in. This is not about perfection. It’s about connection. Through sincere conversations in a weekly podcast, expert insights, a series of live events, a dedicated newsletter and shared stories on IMAGE.ie, we’re here to redefine what it means to be a mum in today’s world. Find out more at image.ie/the-motherload.

 

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