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I have been spending a lot of time thinking about the bottle of semi-permanent dirty rose pink hair dye in my cabinet. I bought it on a whim then left it gathering dust for a moment of deeply deranged ennui and lately, I have been thinking… It Is Time. Turns out, pretty much all the celebrities are losing it too. Celebs – they’re just like us!
We have the top tier, the informative celebrities like Eva Longoria, gracing us with the information of how she hides her greys by spraying over them in three seconds with the pathetically easy to use L’Oreal Paris Magic Root Cover-Up Spray, €13.99.
We have the ill-advised at-home trim, as demonstrated by a tipsy Pink. A word to the wise: even a small trim can go terribly wrong. It will be much easier for your hairdresser to trim your long fringe than fix your bad fringe. Do you want to be like Pink, who got drunk and cut a lopsided chunk out of the side of her head?
We have the Miley Cyrus Mullet, a rising trend (I don’t make the rules) which first walked the runway on Joe Exotic, and is especially suited to all you cool cats and kittens.
And finally, we have my people, the Beauty School Dropout dreamers. Those who are engaging in the transformative power of marshmallow pink hair. You have not reached true tedium until you have considered redesigning your entire self around My Little Pony. Thank you Dua Lipa, Elle Fanning, Ricky Martin, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Ireland Baldwin, Lottie Moss and more for your service.